The Ebb and Flow of Letting Go

A powerful mama and advocate for improving child welfare, Philly writes, “I learned to love. I learned, unnaturally or not, what it means to be a mother. That is something the abusers of my childhood never took from me. “

Finicky Philly

My nerves and heart were both tested this week. The realization that the world can intrude on the safe, secure space I have built for my mini me, came crashing. Former foster children who become loving parents are rocked hard deep in the soul even by minor intrusions on the children we have sometimes smothered for their own protection! 🙂

Me and my girl. Me and my girl prepare for Santa’s visit!

Often our minds are flooded with the physical and emotional trials of our own past; innocence and trust ripped from us before we knew what either meant. The moments that flash like slide show images when insecurity, fear, doubt, and frustrations sit at our door as adults. It is startling. This is why many former foster children try not to love or attach to anything. For those like me, who ventured into loving motherhood, the slope is especially tricky. We are vulnerable…

View original post 791 more words

Back again

“This quote is for those, like myself, who get uncomfortable with too much positivity in the face of crap. I don’t want to wallow in self-pity, but I do want to say, “Yeah, this sucks” and not dance around the matter singing, “The sun’ll come out tomorrow.”

D.K. Pope

There is a quote in a little book illustrated by Maurice Sendak that, years ago, became one of those things I bonded with, and so my brain carries it around and brings it up more often than not.

Here we are back again, lots of work and lots of pain.

First, I’d like to know exactly what 13-year-old Devin was dealing with that was so painful. Math? Making her bed? Truly horrendous.

Anyway, as I sit here, already 19 days into the new year, that quote rings in my head. The next few months are laid out before me like a long, arduous hike. And, really, I’m not dealing with the worst of it. My husband, M, has a ridiculous semester of studying, teaching and working. Throw a bomb in called preliminary exams and I’ll be happy to get him back in one piece by the end.

So, my work…

View original post 191 more words

Seven Mental Habits of Highly Effective Bloggers

“You’re limited only by fear and your imagination. Staying static is like painting your whole blog one color and keeping it that way.”

A Holistic Journey

1.Think big.
If I lived the way I’ve come to blog, I’d see some real progress in my life. On unsure terrain those early days, I started with posts that lined up with my interests. Homeschooling, for example. I felt assured I was “doing the right thing” posting the type of things bloggers were putting out. Gradually I tapped into what I was passionate about and the things that fascinated me. Last year, blogging stopped being a train of posts I shot out one at a time, wondering what I’d write about next. Rather than post linearly, I started architecting my blog. I figured how many floors (that is, topics) I would erect in the next six months, going backward to furnish the rooms (with posts for each topic). The blueprinting gave me direction, control, and purpose. But I wasn’t bound to my plans. There were plenty of posts…

View original post 704 more words

It’s all about the Target Base not the Tribbles

“In real life, we want to be brave, but it’s not as easy as it looks on the big screen, our computers, TVs, smartphones and even those old-fashioned, what are they called again, oh yes, books.”

yadadarcyyada

1exp2

I have expectations on the brain, I blame Charles Dickens who lured me into rereading Great Expectations. Dickens was using expectations in the archaic sense, a legacy or prospects, aka money, but also that Pip, our young hero had hopes about living better, loving, having a full life. We continue to posture and pose about raising expectations, making all the appropriate noises to end poverty, disease, war, inequality, abuse, etc., yet we appear to be backsliding. How much has essentially changed since Dickens wrote this vivid classic over 150 years ago?
Poverty still stalks too many.
Too many still prey on the vulnerable.
The human race remains a perplexing blend of: compassion, drama, wonder, trauma, hope, stupidity, love, ignorance, arrogance, sorrow, creativity, absurdity, brilliance, mayhem, joy, and the grotesque.

1exp1
Great Expectations

Could be our expectations are unrealistic. What we expect isn’t always what we get. Canadians thought they…

View original post 266 more words